Whether it is Vedic times, Whether it is times of Jesus, Whether it is times of Prophet, Whether it is recent times of Socrates…the only way we learnt is “Questioning and Challenging in constructive manner”.
And Wise people were tolerant to listen to questions and challenges and helped the seeker in finding the answers by thyself with proper directions.
In my college days our Physics Professor, Dr. Sudhakar Puttagunta never solved the physics problems by himself, he used to question us several right questions and we used to solve beautifully complex Irodov problems too easily and in the end we used to feel victorious.
Here, again we have this amazing person Devdutt Pattanaik . His books, his lectures on “Sanatan Dharam” ( will not call “Mythology” as I believe, it was real, not “Myth” and it was History, thanks to Don Amit for correcting me on this aspect ) are immensely Scientific, logical and beautifully explained. All the questions we have on Sanatan Dharam are beautifully explained by him. It’s a pleasure reading his stuff.
Yesterday was lucky enough to buy his new books and must say, they are new additions to my treasured possessions.
Do check them if you get chance 🙂
Name of the Book: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
About the Author: John Gray is an American relationship counselor, lecturer and author.In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became a long term best seller and formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and career activities. His books have been bought by millions of people around the world while drawing criticism from academics for trivializing the dynamics of relationship psychology.(Source: Wikipedia)
My views about the book:
‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ book written by John Gray is a must read book for everyone who wants to maintain good relations with the people in their life. I knew about the importance of this book several years back, however I have been postponing reading this book. However, this week upon suggestion of a dear friend of mine I did start reading this book and did complete reading it in two days.
After reading the book, I do really feel that this book should be part of academics at least during the time of graduation. Life is all about relationships and it matters a lot how we deal these relationships. Relationship with Father, Relationship with Mother, Relationship with Brothers, Relationship with Sisters, Relationship with Friends, Relationships with Partners, Relationships with office colleagues…all these are important to us and it is important for us to deal them effectively to have a happy life.
It is very important to understand the psychology of opposite gender to maintain all the relationships of life effectively. Several issues crop up in the process of interaction with folks of opposite gender. So many times we do not understand the root cause of all these problems. In this book the author uses a wonderful metaphor ‘Men are from Mars , Women are from Venus’ to explain the probable root cause of all the problems. He says most of the problems arise due to perception issues. He explains how a man and woman understand the same aspect in different manner. Out of his rich experience in counselling, John Gray suggests measure to counteract the differences in communication styles, perception issues and behavior issues.
This book will not change your life in a day or an hour completely. However, the very next time you interact with a person of opposite gender, you will definitely become conscious of how you communicate , the way you communicate and the way you react . These simple steps will surely bring lot of difference in our lives 🙂
Some of my favorite concepts in the book are ” Men Go to their Caves and Women Talk”, “Women are like Waves”, “The Knight in Shining Armor”. Do read this book, if you haven’t . It does not matter if you are Single or Married. I am sure you will benefit from reading this book.
Interesting Quotes From This Book:
We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways–the ways we react and behave when we love someone.
A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.
A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.
When our partner resists us it is probably because we have made a mistake in our timing or approach.
A man wants to make improvements when he feels he is being approached as the solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.
To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone. … To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems.
Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed… Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
Given the opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self. Only when he feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways.
Not to be needed is slow death for a man.
A woman’s tendency to be compulsive [in giving of herself] relaxes as she remembers that she is worthy of love–she doesn’t have to earn it; she can relax, give less, and receive more. She deserves it.
When she wakes up and remembers her needs, he also wakes up and wants to give her more. [i.e. women need to not give too much, otherwise they will become emotionally tired.]
A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough of that he is incompetent.
Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.
It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.
To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license to use various superlatives, metaphors, and generalizations [i.e. don’t take them literally]
The number one complain women have in relationships is “I don’t feel heard.” Even this complaint is misunderstood by men!
The biggest challenge for women is to correctly interpret and support a man when he isn’t talking. … When a man is silent it is easy for a woman to imagine the worst.
Never go into a man’s cave or you will be burned by the dragon!
It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied.
A woman should not be judged for needing [reassurance that she is loved] just as a man should not be judged for needing to withdraw.
When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. … A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy. … To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner. … The man grows to understand his own cycles and reassures her when he pulls away that he will be back.
A woman’s self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she hits bottom it is a time for emotional housecleaning. … When negative feelings are surpressed positive feelings become surpressed as well, and love dies.
Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding. … By supporting her need to be heard she could support his need to be free.
Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.
A man commonly makes the mistake of thinking that once he has met all of a woman’s primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved.
The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.
Men rarely say “I’m sorry” because on Mars it means you have done something wrong and are apologizings [while women use it to mean] “I care about what you are feeling”.
Most arguments escalate when a man begins to invalidate a woman’s feelings and she responds to him disapprovingly.
The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings.
On Venus their motto is “Love is never having to ask!”
If a woman is not asking for support a man assumes he is giving enough.
When a man hears a demanding tone, no matter how politely you phrase your request, all he hears is that he is not giving enough. His tendency is then to give less until you appreciate what he is already giving. … When asking a man for support [e.g. doing something for you], assume that he doesn’t have to be convinced. … Men are much more willing to say yes if they have the freedom to say no.
When you ask a man for support and you do not reject him for saying no, he will remember that, and next time he will be much more willing to give.
When a man grumbles it is a good sign–he is trying to consider your request versus his needs.
One of the key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support.
It is a paradox: because you feel safe with your partner, your deepest fears have a chance to surface. When they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you feel.(Source of these quotes collection: http://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~prewett/writings/BookReviews/MenAreFromMarsWomenAreFromVenus.html)
A person who wishes to be an Engineer in the childhood, did not get chance to study Engineering instead studied Physics – became a Teacher; next that person became a writer and then studied Management became a Manager and then became an Entrepreneur. Is there any connection between Physics- English- Management?
A person’s destiny is a mystery. Understanding events in our life and the connection among the events is much more interesting. Sometimes we understand and sometimes we do not understand the connection. This subject is beyond our scope of understanding.
Am sure there might be times in our life when we wonder “What the hell is happening with my life? Where did I start my journey and where am I heading to? How is this present experience in life going to help me in my future? “
Sometimes we even wonder, if everything happens as per our destiny then what is our role in our own life. What is the point in having goals, dreams; if our destiny is planned by God then what is the point in we trying to plan our life and struggling to achieve those plans?
Most of the times, we wonder what is in store for us in this life? What is life going to give us?
Driving the point home, our life is a cocktail of two worlds…world of our desire and the world of our fate. We need to play our role efficiently and leave the rest to fate or destiny or whatever. What really matters is what is our genuine contribution to our Life? We must not waste our time by pondering over the thought….what has life given me or what is life going to me ?
Here are some interesting thoughts of Mr. Bagchi on Life as discussed by him in the chapter “The Future of Desire and The Future of Fate” of the book “Go Kiss the World”.
Someone once said, most men take more out of life than they give to it. A few give more to life than they take out of it. The world runs because of such men.
J.D Bernal wrote in his book “There are two futures, the future of desire and the future of fate, and man’s reason has never learnt to separate them.”
What similarities exist between the days that I spent at the secretariat and those that I live in MindTree today? How does the work there resemble my work here? Or for that matter, does the world in which I live and work at this stage of my career even remotely resemble the sights, sounds and smells of Kishen Gunj, off Bara Hindu Rao, Delhi,1977?
Our lives are like rivers – the source seldom reveals the confluence. Does a river fret over the long journey and about its end just as it is about to spurt? It simply does not do that, caring instead to flow, to begin its journey, and on its way builds a beneficial relationship with anyone who comes in contact with her.
Do check this wonderful song from the Tamil Film Rhythm . Here the writer compares the flow of a River to Life of a Woman
Often, people think that being eldest child has a privilege. Nope!!! Being the youngest child of the family is a privilege. And having siblings who are much much elder than you is much more special privilege; apart from loads of pampering, love and affection by your siblings, the ultimate advantage you receive is “Mentoring”.
If we can observe, a person who happens to be a youngest child in the family with elder siblings of huge age gap, tends to be more mature than people of their age(Ofcourse there are exceptions like me :P). This maturity in thought process is just because of elder siblings.
Elder siblings knowingly or unknowingly mentor their younger sibling. In this process of helping their younger siblings they become mentors to these younger ones. These younger kids of the family initially start with “Copy mode” of their elder siblings because they just fall in love with the abilities, style, mannerisms, methods of their siblings. Basically the youngest one feels his/her elder siblings are Heroes of their life. Later on, when these younger ones get an opportunity to mentor they tend to become good mentors.
I am posting these thoughts out of my experience. My brothers are my best friends, my angels and of course my MENTORS. They being 9 and 7 elders to me have an immense influence on me right from childhood. For me they are the super heroes and source of inspiration. I am immensely influenced by my brother’s way of writing, studying, cooking, hobbies and approach towards life. As I have two brothers as my mentors, I have the choice of picking best practices from my brothers and then customize them according to my needs and necessities. Whatever am I today is because of my brothers. They encourage me to be independent, develop interest in different things in life, live life to the fullest extent and last but not least they always feed the “Optimism” potion to me whenever I feel stressed.
I did start enjoying the beauty of mentoring right from the time I started teaching Physics to students in our colony. I started feeling happy when my student friends understood the beauty of the subject because of my help. These interesting teaching experiences helped me to become Physics Lecturer at College. Even at college, I understood the beauty of experiments of Physics, dealing various mindset people while teaching to my students. This mentoring helps me now in my job. Above all, when we mentor someone we receive some mental satisfaction and we feel happy.
Driving the point home, getting a right mentor is a boon at the same time getting an opportunity to mentor is much more bigger boon.So, don’t ever miss such opportunities 🙂
Last but not least, never underestimate the power of inhouse mentors who are in the form of parents, siblings and cousins. Thats the power of mentoring !!!!
Here are some interesting thoughts of Mr. Bagchi on Mentoring and about his primary mentors his brothers:
“As my mentor, Dadamoni had a Pygmalion effect in shaping my personality and my destiny.
Learning gives us knowledge but it is good mentoring that gives us the ability to relate it to the real world; it helps us learn life skills and moulds our attitude.
The self- confidence that mentoring can generate is huge.
The principles of mentoring a child and a budding professional are not different.
It all begins with the magical sensation of someone reaching out and whispering into your ears, ‘Yes, you can!’ This is when dreams are created, and bridges built, to reach beyond the realm of the possible.
I learnt the importance of ambition and achievement from Dadamoni; from Amitav, I learnt that our achievements are only as good as the value they create for others……. in the larger context of life and living, the line between what is mine and what isn’t is just another porous continuum. In it, the gaps, the empty spaces that make the line porous, are the reality. These intermittently laid lines are just our perception, they are drawn by a mind that is not fully awake to the deeply interconnceted nature of things.
All professional growth must finally take us to that point of realization because quantum achievement follows a state of awareness in which the concept of mine and thine ceases to exist”.
Check this lovely video of Anoushka Shankar and her father and her mentor Pandit Ravishankar ji :
Year 2011 was a lousy year for us at home. No year is good or bad, however each and every moment is not in our favor. However, when the time is continuously not in our favor and when we need to undergo the so called “tests of God” we tend to feel “Why me God? Why me always the chosen one”. What really matters in such situations is not just simply questioning God, we need to take ownership of the situation and then deal it. Yes it requires immense energy and persistence not to give up and then to deal such situations.
In the year 2011, right from March to December my Mom was continuously attacked by one or the other ailment. For a healthy person like her sudden debacle in her health was a shock . Among all the ailments attack of Cerebral Palsy was a major blow to her. Then, we had no clue when she will recover , when she will be normal. She having normal diet , walking for few feet confidently was a major challenge for us. In such situation, she with her immense mental strength and determination made an effort to get her health back into track. She herself brought the situation back into track by working hard. She used to go to walking ground everyday with her tiny tiny steps. When she was trying to bring her health back into the track as if her examinations from God were not enough she fell down near temple one day and then broke her right hand in November. That was a limit for me!!!! I lost all the confidence!!!! I did not understand why was God so harsh to her. When she was trying so hard to build some confidence and move on in life….another blow on her health was not easy for her and for all of us. My Mom….did not give up. … in spite of her broken hand, she went to walking everyday nicely covering the bandage of her right hand with her good Cotton Saree borders. I never knew that my Mom has this level of persistence levels. By December ending she brought her health completely to the track. She is very much back into her Kingdom “Our Kitchen” 🙂 . Relatives and Friends who visited us last year and who visited us in this year observed this interesting recovery rate of my Mother. They are happy to see my Mom back to track. We all learnt somany things in life from Mom in the last year. The way she dealt with the tough times and pain , helped us in understanding the Power of Pain and Persistence!!!
In the “Grace Under Pressure” chapter of the book(Page No 40) “Go Kiss the World” Mr Subroto Bagchi discusses about this aspect of dealing “Pain”
There are inevitable times in every life when we all must step on a thorn. It is never a pleasurable feeling, it it not meant to be. In that moment of pain, more often than not, we are focussed not just on the pain itself but “Why me?” question.
In the larger scheme of things, that question is as irrelevant as the pain itself. All of us realize this sooner or later. What many of us do not comprehend, is the futility of carrying the baggage of that pain into our future.
As I step on the thorn, if I begin to blame the thorn, the pain has a tendency to linger; sometimes the pain expands as time passes, its memory holding centre stage, coloring how we view and feel about lives.
In life, we cannot avoid pain. What we can do is lean from the pain and move on.
Transfers from one place to other help us a lot. As a part of Dad’s work we used to get transferred from one place to other for every three years.During my Dad’s transfers from my L.K.G to P.G I got to study in various schools and Colleges in Various cities and towns.
Every time, we got transferred from one place to other it was a challenge for us to get used to new place, new climate, new people, new culture. However, we used to enjoy transfers. Dealing with transfers helped/helps my brothers and me a lot in our life. We developed the capability to adapt to the “Changes” in life; We make friends easily; We share our ideas well by expressing in a proper manner, we tried to develop our communication skills because of transfers; We developed interests in various languages, religions, cultures, people, music,history, books and food; We learnt how important is “Tolerance” in life.
There is some inherent magic and immense learning involved in transfers.This happens almost with everyone who are used to transfers. When you are used to transfers,you are empowered with the capability to start life again and again with optimism in-spite of several setbacks. I am not trying to glorify “transfers” however am just trying to share the advantages of transfers 😉 . My brothers and me always thank Dad for helping us shape our personality with the help of transfers.
Next time, if at all you get an opportunity for transfer, don’t hesitate to move. Believe me, transfers are going to help 🙂
Interestingly, got to read about the advantages of transfers in the chapter “Displacement and Process” of this lovely book “Go Kiss the World”. Here are some of the thoughts of Mr.Bagchi about Transfers (Page No 20: Go Kiss the world book):
When you are continuously displaced, you make friends easily. You have low expectations from the unfamiliar; hence you are more pleasantly surprised than frustrated when faced with life’s many ups and downs.
You explore everything around you, develop curiosity-new lands, customs, food and ways of doing things begin to draw you in.
You learn to survive on the strength of who you are, just for this day, today.
You build ingenuity in order to survive.
You trust strangers and, hence, strangers trust you.
You build intuitive capability to sniff trouble- which can tell you when to leave a bar!
You become and interesting person, because you have lots of stories to tell.
This book is autobiography of Mr.Subroto Bagchi . Mr. Bagchi is Co-founder of MindTree. So, we may wonder what’s the meaning of the title of the book. ‘Go, kiss the world’ were the last words of Mr. Subroto Bagchi’s blind mother to him. Subsequently, these words became guiding principle to Mr.Bagchi.
Why this particular copy of this book is special to me:
Usually I don’t scan the books to a greater extent before buying . However, I thought of gifting a good and decent book for an esteemed person . So, I have done great research and finally chose this book.
I did not want to pick up any book which has normal routine stuff where they speak about all the problems, their heroic stories related to work and life and in the end like any other book they give credit to their life partner or lover for the success in life …just like any other hollywood or bollywood movie. I was searching for a book where a person speaks about his/her LOVE towards LIFE, LOVE towards GOALS and LOVE towards DREAMS. I was searching something inspirational, similar to Jack Welch’s Straight from the gut . If we can recollect Jack Welch’s book we recollect that he constantly refers to his upbringing, his Mother, his Father and the importance of vision, dreams and goals. Jack Welch, thanks his Mother constantly throughout the book for the discipline he has in his life.
Bang!!!!! When my eyes were seriously scanning the shelves of Odyssey Shop, I got to see this wonderful book. This is life story of Mr Subroto Bagchi. This particular book starts and ends with reference towards his Mother, refers to his passion towards life, his persistence in achieving goals, his never ending love towards learning and his desire to help fellow human beings through entrepreneurship. I did not waste a single second and bought this book immediately after scanning it thoroughly.
Some of the aspects related to the book that made me fall in love with book :
Immense love towards Mother and Respect towards Father.
Special bonding with Brothers who are very much elder in age.
Advantages of being youngest child in the family.
Lots of passion towards learning.
Never give up mentality.
Tweaking goals and working on them inspite of failures.
Burning desire to do something useful to the society and the people .
After scanning the book to this extent, I did not feel like gifting this book. I felt this book was written by Mr. Bagchi only for people like me. Interestingly, I could never gift this book to the person for some strange reasons. It was in my office desk for somany days. I forgot about this book for few months.
In this March, on my final day at work I bought the book back to home. I started reading this book so religiously and made note of all the important concepts . In this particular phase of my life in which I could dare to take sabbatical from work to streamline my goals of life, to study and to learn whatever I wanted to in life; the phase in which I just followed my heart not bothering about the normal standards of fame,name, money principle, I got to read this particular book. That’s destiny 🙂
May be this book was meant for me, it was meant to help me to streamline all my goals in a proper manner in this particular phase of life… that’s the reason the book never reached the person I originally intended to gift this book to 🙂
Every book in our home library has a special story and this is the story about this book. In the coming posts, I will present the concepts discussed in this book “Go Kiss the world” with some examples.
Till then take care and bye. Don’t forget to listen to this wonderful music: