Name of the Book: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
About the Author: John Gray is an American relationship counselor, lecturer and author.In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became a long term best seller and formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and career activities. His books have been bought by millions of people around the world while drawing criticism from academics for trivializing the dynamics of relationship psychology.(Source: Wikipedia)
My views about the book:
‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ book written by John Gray is a must read book for everyone who wants to maintain good relations with the people in their life. I knew about the importance of this book several years back, however I have been postponing reading this book. However, this week upon suggestion of a dear friend of mine I did start reading this book and did complete reading it in two days.
After reading the book, I do really feel that this book should be part of academics at least during the time of graduation. Life is all about relationships and it matters a lot how we deal these relationships. Relationship with Father, Relationship with Mother, Relationship with Brothers, Relationship with Sisters, Relationship with Friends, Relationships with Partners, Relationships with office colleagues…all these are important to us and it is important for us to deal them effectively to have a happy life.
It is very important to understand the psychology of opposite gender to maintain all the relationships of life effectively. Several issues crop up in the process of interaction with folks of opposite gender. So many times we do not understand the root cause of all these problems. In this book the author uses a wonderful metaphor ‘Men are from Mars , Women are from Venus’ to explain the probable root cause of all the problems. He says most of the problems arise due to perception issues. He explains how a man and woman understand the same aspect in different manner. Out of his rich experience in counselling, John Gray suggests measure to counteract the differences in communication styles, perception issues and behavior issues.
This book will not change your life in a day or an hour completely. However, the very next time you interact with a person of opposite gender, you will definitely become conscious of how you communicate , the way you communicate and the way you react . These simple steps will surely bring lot of difference in our lives 🙂
Some of my favorite concepts in the book are ” Men Go to their Caves and Women Talk”, “Women are like Waves”, “The Knight in Shining Armor”. Do read this book, if you haven’t . It does not matter if you are Single or Married. I am sure you will benefit from reading this book.
Interesting Quotes From This Book:
- We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways–the ways we react and behave when we love someone.
- A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
- To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.
- A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.
- When our partner resists us it is probably because we have made a mistake in our timing or approach.
- A man wants to make improvements when he feels he is being approached as the solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.
- To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone. … To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems.
- Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed… Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
- Given the opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self. Only when he feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways.
- Not to be needed is slow death for a man.
- A woman’s tendency to be compulsive [in giving of herself] relaxes as she remembers that she is worthy of love–she doesn’t have to earn it; she can relax, give less, and receive more. She deserves it.
- When she wakes up and remembers her needs, he also wakes up and wants to give her more. [i.e. women need to not give too much, otherwise they will become emotionally tired.]
- A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough of that he is incompetent.
- Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.
- It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.
- To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license to use various superlatives, metaphors, and generalizations [i.e. don’t take them literally]
- The number one complain women have in relationships is “I don’t feel heard.” Even this complaint is misunderstood by men!
- The biggest challenge for women is to correctly interpret and support a man when he isn’t talking. … When a man is silent it is easy for a woman to imagine the worst.
- Never go into a man’s cave or you will be burned by the dragon!
- It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied.
- A woman should not be judged for needing [reassurance that she is loved] just as a man should not be judged for needing to withdraw.
- When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. … A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy. … To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner. … The man grows to understand his own cycles and reassures her when he pulls away that he will be back.
- A woman’s self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she hits bottom it is a time for emotional housecleaning. … When negative feelings are surpressed positive feelings become surpressed as well, and love dies.
- Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding. … By supporting her need to be heard she could support his need to be free.
- Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.
- A man commonly makes the mistake of thinking that once he has met all of a woman’s primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved.
- The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.
- Men rarely say “I’m sorry” because on Mars it means you have done something wrong and are apologizings [while women use it to mean] “I care about what you are feeling”.
- Most arguments escalate when a man begins to invalidate a woman’s feelings and she responds to him disapprovingly.
- The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings.
- On Venus their motto is “Love is never having to ask!”
- If a woman is not asking for support a man assumes he is giving enough.
- When a man hears a demanding tone, no matter how politely you phrase your request, all he hears is that he is not giving enough. His tendency is then to give less until you appreciate what he is already giving. … When asking a man for support [e.g. doing something for you], assume that he doesn’t have to be convinced. … Men are much more willing to say yes if they have the freedom to say no.
- When you ask a man for support and you do not reject him for saying no, he will remember that, and next time he will be much more willing to give.
- When a man grumbles it is a good sign–he is trying to consider your request versus his needs.
- One of the key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support.
- It is a paradox: because you feel safe with your partner, your deepest fears have a chance to surface. When they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you feel.(Source of these quotes collection: http://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~prewett/writings/BookReviews/MenAreFromMarsWomenAreFromVenus.html)